A Lesson in Smugness

Once upon a time I could take my cute little 20 month old out with me and he was pleasant and (mostly)  perfectly well behaved in the store, at a restaurant or in a doctors office. I could fill out paperwork or shop and he would chatter away or sit with me and wait. While we were out we were bound to see some child running away acting crazy and a frazzled Mom chasing after. Every time I’d think “I’m glad my kid doesn’t do that, my kid is so well behaved. You should try setting some boundaries”. I’m embarrassed because I’m certain I gave that pained smile that said “You need to rein your kid in” .

I hate that dam smile.

Enter a couple years later with an 5 year old whose emotional rollercoaster makes my head spin and my beautiful little 18 month old who, while happy and sweet NEVER STOPS MOVING! We went to the dentist office last week where they asked me to fill out paperwork. One page took FOR-EV-ER. Littlest Moo does not stay in my lap, he just shrieks. He is not satisfied to just play with a toy quietly next to me (hell I would have settled for loudly) but instead likes to explore space so I would write one line and have to get up and chase him. After only finishing his name (incorrectly)  I was exhausted. His older brother was yelling loudly from the barred window about being in jail which another mom scoffed at. What is so offensive about that, it is a play window with BARS in it, that is a natural association! He had also stripped his multiple layers of coats and jackets he had insisted on wearing leaving little puddles of himself around the waiting room so I was gathering it and trying to keep it with us while wrangling a speed demon and trying to fill out paper work that, had they sent to me ahead of time, could have been completed in the comfort of my own home long after the children are passed out in their beds.  The experience wouldn’t have been complete without  Littlest Moo  falling off the bottom of the slide and busting his lip. I know I must have looked as exasperated as I felt. I suppose if he broke his tooth it was good we were at the dentist. I said that. Out loud. To no one.  After I  finally finished the paperwork moved to the other side of the waiting room where there were quieter activities to do (it really is an indoor playground) but I still found myself chasing him around. I briefly looked up while chasing him and caught a glimpse of a mom with her 2 year old standing so nice and quiet next to her. She brought him closer, I’m sure she was terrified that the running might be contagious. Or maybe it was the blood on his lip that I had not yet seen because the only thing I could see was the back of his head running away. But then she did it.

She gave me that dam smile.

I felt so deflated. She didn’t know. I work so hard with my kids. It was in that moment I cursed myself for being so smug before. Because I had been smug, a lot. It is said “you should be careful what you wish for” it should also be said you should “beware smugness” it’s kind of in line with “Karma’s a bitch”.

 

** As a side note, but completely related I would like to apologize to my lovely friend who I convinced how important it was to break a little one of a binky sooner rather than later only to have my 18month old still ever so attached a year later. Also to multiple friends that I’ve expressed  concern about how their kids sleep. One should never be smug about sleep habits of children, I’m learning that sometimes no matter what you do sometimes your kids are just going to do what they are going to do. I’m incredibly lucky, but not smug, just very grateful. Hang in there, someday they will sleep!

Building Memories

There are many reasons there are large gaps of time between my posts, one of them being that I frequently start a post and can’t figure out how to finish it and the perfectionist in me won’t let me click “publish” and forever it sits for no one to read. But another and much more important reason is we are busy “building” memories.

Little Moo is ecstatic to have received his very own Lego sets for Christmas. He even got to pick out two sets himself with Christmas money. We were excited for him because he was able to choose something he loves and it was an opportunity to teach him how to look for sales and he was able to get two for the price of one. He was very excited about this too!

We must not forget Littlest Moo! His hands are a little grabby (okay a lot grabby!) so sometimes he has gets to be contained in his high chair.

He doesn’t seem to mind.

So finding these little plastic shards of joy underfoot…everywhere…always is kind of worth it for moments like these.

You’re No Good!

Have you ever gone through the day and realized that every product you are using is expired? Just typing it makes me think of terrible episodes of Hoarders. We’re not. Quite the opposite. Yet the other day I went to get a band-aid and some triple antibiotic ointment (Neosporin peeps, we rock it generic style)  for Little Moo and realized it had expired. In 2009. Crap, how long have we been using that?! The tube didn’t even have any dents in it! Okay so I know I have a tube of Bacitracin somewhere. Expired. Add it to the shopping list.

Later in that same day I noticed a small rash on Little Moo’s face so I went on search for some Hydrocortisone cream. Somehow we have multiples? I’m sure it was an occasion when we couldn’t find it because it wasn’t put back. Grrr  (oh wait, I left it out? Oops!) or we bought it when we were on a trip and added it to our collection. Either way, multiple, barely touched tubes…EXPIRED!  Ugh, okay add that to the shopping list.

Then in a act of chocolate desperation  I decided to try a mug cake only to discover my baking powder was…expired.  Add that to the shopping list.

Noticing a theme?

The same thing all week. Some random item I don’t use all that often I all of a sudden need and it is no longer good. Some of it expired for awhile. Yikes! It’s a miracle my family is alive, really.

                                                                    (Ron Leishman illustrations)

Resolutions, Smesolutions.

While mostly I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions, now that all the Christmas chaos is over it is time for me to get serious about our family’s health. No longer are there get togethers and tasty treats to distract us.  I will not proclaim no sugar, no meat (yeah right!) and exercise everyday. I know myself (and my husband) too well, it would only result in crash and burn. We have to add manageable things to our day to day lives and let them become routine so they stick. Last February we got a family membership to the YMCA (thanks to a great deal from Zippercow’s work) and  with the exception of major illness we have gone to the gym 2-3 times a week since the first week of February. Not bad. We’d like to try and add a day to that if possible, and now that we are a year into that schedule I will make a resolution for this year.

Not to let YOUR resolution annoy me.

You know who you are, the ones that vow to work out everyday, get a gym membership only to burn out and never come again by March. Why does someone else trying to be healthy bother me you ask? It doesn’t, not really. In fact, kudos to you for taking the same steps we have to better your health. It’s just that…you are on my damn machine! Wednesday we went to the gym at 7pm and EVERYTHING was full. Up until this week even on busy days there were still a number of various machines to choose from (the end of December was blissful) so even if the one I prefer isn’t available there is plenty others to choose from. If you ever use the machines at the gym I’m sure you have your favorites and least favorites. The only two things available fall into my least favorite category. Recumbent Bike. Maybe I’m doing it wrong (which is highly possible) but I find this to be the most excruciating of machines with very little calorie burn as pay off. As I spent my 30 minutes on the vile machine I silently swore at all the people I didn’t recognize. Our time to workout is so limited and having to get the kids home and in bed on time only means we don’t have time to wait around. I cycled for what seemed like an eternity (15 minutes, halfway through my time) to see I rode 3 or so miles  and  had only burned 100 calories! W. T. F.  In the end I only got half the calorie burn for my time as I usually would and my back was hurting to boot. Ugh. Then I had to remind myself that they are all there for the same reason I am… and in a month or two the crowds will die down and  in the meantime we can wait around for machines  and recite lines from Clueless in our heads,

“Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.”

You mean you don’t do that????

Oh. Maybe that’s just me…

December Haze

The month is almost over and we are about to ring in a new year and it feels like it has a been a blur. Between the whole family being struck with some terrible cold, baking, decorating and preparing for Christmas it seems to have taken forever and pass in a flash all at once!

Fortunately all the hard work paid off because everyone was healthy again before Christmas and as far as I’m concerned our Christmas was perfect! The boys of course were swept up in the magic and fun of it all, and Zippercow and I let ourselves relax enough that we were swept up as well. The boys got a lot of nice things (but not too much) and most importantly we enjoyed special time with family! What great memories were made, but wait! I have a photo bomb for you too!

We got a box. Well more specifically we had to buy a new range, but for the children it was just really expensive cardboard.

Someone farted. Bwahahaha!

Cookin’ up something tasty for Christmas. The only “cooking” that took place on Christmas!

Life is a hoot when you have a crafty Mommy!

 

And a very patient Daddy! First completed big kid Lego kit. His pride is palpable.

And now it is time to get Zippercow ready to turn 30!!!

He’s really just a big kid.

Be Inspired By What Inspires You

What inspires and motivates  you? Is it cute kittens? Motivational Posters with catchy slogans? Sappy quotes? Yeah, most of those things make me go blech. Sure they are great for some but me, I like sarcasm. The more it drips the better. So in honor of that I would like to share some of my favorite blogs. These blogs make my day, make me laugh and remind me that there are LOTS of regular ordinary people that share the same smart ass sense of humor.

The first two are great sarcastic mom sites, because let’s face it, sarcastic humor is the best parenting humor.

Suburban Snapshots

 

The next two are comics, and sarcasm is at its best when it is drawn with bright colorful images!

Warning: These sites may cause laughter, tears and if you are unfit, abdominal pain from raucous laughter.

 

I wish I could write more like these hilarious people. They are my sarcaspiration!

Oh, and I can’t forget

Not quite as sarcastic in nature, but you can find some great jewels like these

I Want to Be a Dad!

The other day Zippercow says to me “ It is too bad you can’t  be a Dad with a baby”. I of course look at him funny because I’m not sure where this story is leading but he continues on to explain that whenever he is alone at a store with the boys (or just Littlest Moo) people are SO nice to him. They open doors for him, talk nice to him and the children, offer to help him and sometimes people offer to let him go first in line. I have noticed this phenomenon as well and all I have to say is…

WTF!?!

If I am a couple feet away looking at something and Zippercow is with the kids at the cart or people can’t  see me they get all kinds of smiles and friendly head nods. Even Zippercow admits that people are not ever that nice to him in public if he does not have the children but you ad kids into the equation then you get lots of people being nice. The equation goes something like this

 Dad+child+toddler= He must be the nicest man ever and how sweet that he has the children so we MUST be extra nice and helpful!

Don’t get me wrong, I love that people treat my husband and children kindly when they go out, I mean look at them they are pretty darn adorable. My question is why do moms out with children not get the same in return????  I can recall multiple occasions when I had Little Moo, barely walking Niecey-Poo and infant Littlest Moo out and we struggled to get through doors with the big double stroller or worse they were not in the stroller which meant I had the carrier, toddler on one hip and Little Moo who still couldn’t get the door open trying to get through a door  and people would watch (it wasn’t that they didn’t notice, they watched like it was a sport! “That’s right Bill she had her opening and was about to score but she fumbled the baby  and dropped the toddler and it was all downhill from there, WHAT. A. SHAME” ) or instead of offering to help hold the door they would use the other set of doors or even worse, stand behind me and give a loud exasperated sigh because I was holding them up. Then while in the store if a child starts crying you get dirty looks as if you are the worst parent in the world. Guess what, sometimes you still have to buy groceries, even if the kids don’t want to. But when Zippercow does it he gets sympathetic looks and offers of assistance or stickers for the kids.  It isn’t I don’t encounter nice people, because there certainly are, but I have heard stories from Zippercow about how people fall all over themselves to be nice and helpful when he has the kids. Even he seems perplexed by it. I know there are plenty of Moms who experience the same things I do and some who do it with far more children but I’m curious what makes Dads so much different?

So now when Little Moo says he wants to be a daddy when he gets older I tell him, “Me too!”.