Walk it off

Exciting news in the Herd household, Little Moo just started junior wrestling! It has been an interesting ordeal and I definitely had my misgivings but so far he seems to be enjoying it. Little Moo isn’t the most rough and tumble guy and even if he is sent to play outside he is more likely to sit and dig in the dirt than chase after a ball. We know, accept and love this about him so I’m sure you could see how I would be concerned how wrestling might go for him, but since his uncle is a wrestling coach and has taken Little Moo to a couple practices and got him excited about it we thought “sure, why not?”.  You have to love his spirit because he clearly is lacking in some natural athletic ability but he makes up for it with his exuberance and every week I see him slowly but surely learning the skills (and even applying some of them). These things made me nervous for him, along with realizing that this will be a large learning experience in disappointment and that we aren’t always the best and don’t always win. These are all things we want for him to learn but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still painful to watch.

Even more painful (for me) is the attitude of the adults around him. It all started with the little boy Little Moo  had been partnered with  (multiple practices)  and his whiney attitude, complaining that he knows how to do it and refusing to let LM do the moves on him and telling the coach that it is easy. So then the coach (not his uncle Nustin, but the other coach that splits the practices with uncle Nustin)  tells me and the boys that they will get different partners next week then turns to Little Moo and says “ We gotta get you a little more aggressive out there!” then looks to me and says “you know, get someone to throw him around a little”.

WTF?!

He continues on to tell us how excited LM’s uncle is that he is wrestling and that maybe he (Uncle Nustin ) “will come over and kick you in the ribs a little”. Maybe it was the horrified look on my face, but he slapped at Little  Moo playfully and said “just kidding bud”. 

I have a problem with this on so many levels that I’m not even sure where to begin. My biggest issue is the idea that boys have to be aggressive. Why? Why do we encourage this in young boys and why is it that if a boy isn’t aggressive he isn’t the right kind of boy, a sissy, a pantywaist?Why is being aggressive a trait we value in boys? I know that some boys are  aggressive naturally and as such should be taught how to harness that energy, but if they aren’t why do insist that they learn this trait, force them to be something they aren’t?  I knew this was going to be an issue going into this sport, but since they are five and beginners I was hoping it wouldn’t be quite so competitive. I was wrong. That same practice there was a dad “helping” coach a couple of boys  (since there aren’t enough coaches some of the dads “help”) and they were really going hard and at multiple times one or both of the boys were in tears and both dads of the boys were egging them on, encouraging them to “get ’em”. It was very clear these boys could use a breather but the coach just walked by grinning. Ugh. They are five! They should be enjoying it, not in tears!

Also, who tells a kid that their uncle should come “kick you in your ribs”? So if a boy doesn’t have the aggressive quality you deem necessary you will send an adult in to rough him up? A five year old? Seriously! I know that my issue comes from my years in the social work field, and that you would NEVER say something like that to a kid, especially to one you don’t know because you never know how true this will be or  maybe they already live in fear of men (or adults) and such a comment could illicit fear. I forget that just because someone works with or teaches kids doesn’t mean they are good at relating to children. Fortunately for Little Moo (and me) his Uncle Nustin is an excellent coach. He is supportive in the right ways and encourages the kids to have fun and learn, which is what this beginning wrestling program is supposed to be about.

Just like I can’t stand the pushing of girls as being a “princess”  I also can’t stand the idea that boys are pushed into being rough and aggressive. Why must we break them? Little Moo truly is enjoying himself, has an upbeat attitude and so far has handled being a good sport well. Why fix what isn’t broken?

I know all this from a mom might just sound like I’m being over sensitive, that maybe I’m babying him. That isn’t the case. I let him experience disappointment as well as pride in accomplishment and I’ll be honest, I am competitive. I want him to be the best at what he does and I want him to win. I’d be lying if I said otherwise, but not at the cost of breaking his sweet nature.

Quite honestly I would be fine if he decided to join the marching band. At least that I understand. East Valley does have a strolling strings program….hmm….

* We did not get good photos from his first tournament but I can guarantee that there will be some that make it into a post in the near future!

I Didn’t Lose It, I Threw It Away!

Damn skippy. Losing something  implies it was accidental, unintentional and/or that you want it back.  Let me be clear, it was intentional and I don’t want it back. I have officially THROWN AWAY 7% of my body weight, my first (doctor suggested) goal. And I’m going to keep going. I can’t remember when I felt so good in my entire life. I feel like a light suddenly went on and I can see clearly. It isn’t always easy but it is worth it. I enjoy exercising and I occasionally indulge my cravings. I have more energy and play with my kids more, my back pain is gone and thanks to the exercise I have been sleeping better than I have in years. Worth it.

I have refrained from clogging up Facebook feeds with my every trashed pound (nope, I’ll just clog it up with my other random  musings) but I will certainly will share my larger goals with everyone. This was the first, my next is to be the weight I was when I got married, then the weight I was when I met Zippercow. These aren’t at even intervals, but mark pivotal points in my life and I’d like to celebrate them, with you of course!

As I said, it hasn’t been easy. Much like a broken toy you loved dearly, throwing it away still makes you sad because of what it brought to your life.  It is necessary to do, but still sad. I love food. I think about how I will no longer get to make pans of brownies and finish most of it in one evening, or eat a large bag of M&M’s while scrapbooking. I know, it sounds sick but it is what I used to do, it is a past time of mine. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the sentimental fuzzy feelings are just that. Memories do that sometimes, make us feel like it was great and wonderful. It wasn’t. There was a lot of shame, a sense of no control, fatigue, crankiness, back pain, and impending diabetes. Another struggle I have is I don’t feel like anyone is noticing my hard work. Not that I am doing it for others, but I’ll admit that the recognition ignites my resolve to keep going. I remind myself that it is mostly because everyone has seen me at this weight before. I’ve yo-yoed  for years. I’ve been smaller after both of my pregnancies but then gained again so my current physical appearance isn’t anything new to anyone, so I imagine it won’t be truly apparent what is happening for another 10-15 lbs. It’s okay, I can wait. Like I said, I am not doing this for others.

(This is not my heaviest, but what I had gotten back up to before starting our lifestyle change, I cannot believe I am posting this hideous picture. When I meet my next goal I will post a better one, I apologize to you all!)

I would like to thank my wonderful husband for joining me in this journey, because it certainly isn’t easy to stick with it when someone is eating plates full of delicious stuff in front of you. Oh, and congrats to him for throwing away the unwanted weight as well. I’m sure both he and I will reach the weight we were when we got married around the same time, and it makes me feel even closer to him. And because of the shed weight we can actually be closer.

There was something my doctor said to me at my last appointment when I was expressing my frustration with the 1-2lb a week weight loss suggestion that will forever stick with me. “If it really is a life change, what does it matter if it takes a year or even two to lose the weight? If you are doing what you should be doing, it WILL come off.”  We often think of it as a race or a sprint. But he was right. I will be doing this for the REST of my life. Once I get to my goal weight I am not going to be rewarded with bags of chocolates or pans of brownies. This is something I will be doing for life. I’ve finally decided I’m okay with that…because it’s worth it.