Exciting news in the Herd household, Little Moo just started junior wrestling! It has been an interesting ordeal and I definitely had my misgivings but so far he seems to be enjoying it. Little Moo isn’t the most rough and tumble guy and even if he is sent to play outside he is more likely to sit and dig in the dirt than chase after a ball. We know, accept and love this about him so I’m sure you could see how I would be concerned how wrestling might go for him, but since his uncle is a wrestling coach and has taken Little Moo to a couple practices and got him excited about it we thought “sure, why not?”. You have to love his spirit because he clearly is lacking in some natural athletic ability but he makes up for it with his exuberance and every week I see him slowly but surely learning the skills (and even applying some of them). These things made me nervous for him, along with realizing that this will be a large learning experience in disappointment and that we aren’t always the best and don’t always win. These are all things we want for him to learn but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still painful to watch.
Even more painful (for me) is the attitude of the adults around him. It all started with the little boy Little Moo had been partnered with (multiple practices) and his whiney attitude, complaining that he knows how to do it and refusing to let LM do the moves on him and telling the coach that it is easy. So then the coach (not his uncle Nustin, but the other coach that splits the practices with uncle Nustin) tells me and the boys that they will get different partners next week then turns to Little Moo and says “ We gotta get you a little more aggressive out there!” then looks to me and says “you know, get someone to throw him around a little”.
WTF?!
He continues on to tell us how excited LM’s uncle is that he is wrestling and that maybe he (Uncle Nustin ) “will come over and kick you in the ribs a little”. Maybe it was the horrified look on my face, but he slapped at Little Moo playfully and said “just kidding bud”.
I have a problem with this on so many levels that I’m not even sure where to begin. My biggest issue is the idea that boys have to be aggressive. Why? Why do we encourage this in young boys and why is it that if a boy isn’t aggressive he isn’t the right kind of boy, a sissy, a pantywaist?Why is being aggressive a trait we value in boys? I know that some boys are aggressive naturally and as such should be taught how to harness that energy, but if they aren’t why do insist that they learn this trait, force them to be something they aren’t? I knew this was going to be an issue going into this sport, but since they are five and beginners I was hoping it wouldn’t be quite so competitive. I was wrong. That same practice there was a dad “helping” coach a couple of boys (since there aren’t enough coaches some of the dads “help”) and they were really going hard and at multiple times one or both of the boys were in tears and both dads of the boys were egging them on, encouraging them to “get ’em”. It was very clear these boys could use a breather but the coach just walked by grinning. Ugh. They are five! They should be enjoying it, not in tears!
Also, who tells a kid that their uncle should come “kick you in your ribs”? So if a boy doesn’t have the aggressive quality you deem necessary you will send an adult in to rough him up? A five year old? Seriously! I know that my issue comes from my years in the social work field, and that you would NEVER say something like that to a kid, especially to one you don’t know because you never know how true this will be or maybe they already live in fear of men (or adults) and such a comment could illicit fear. I forget that just because someone works with or teaches kids doesn’t mean they are good at relating to children. Fortunately for Little Moo (and me) his Uncle Nustin is an excellent coach. He is supportive in the right ways and encourages the kids to have fun and learn, which is what this beginning wrestling program is supposed to be about.
Just like I can’t stand the pushing of girls as being a “princess” I also can’t stand the idea that boys are pushed into being rough and aggressive. Why must we break them? Little Moo truly is enjoying himself, has an upbeat attitude and so far has handled being a good sport well. Why fix what isn’t broken?
I know all this from a mom might just sound like I’m being over sensitive, that maybe I’m babying him. That isn’t the case. I let him experience disappointment as well as pride in accomplishment and I’ll be honest, I am competitive. I want him to be the best at what he does and I want him to win. I’d be lying if I said otherwise, but not at the cost of breaking his sweet nature.
Quite honestly I would be fine if he decided to join the marching band. At least that I understand. East Valley does have a strolling strings program….hmm….
* We did not get good photos from his first tournament but I can guarantee that there will be some that make it into a post in the near future!
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