Once upon a time I could take my cute little 20 month old out with me and he was pleasant and (mostly) perfectly well behaved in the store, at a restaurant or in a doctors office. I could fill out paperwork or shop and he would chatter away or sit with me and wait. While we were out we were bound to see some child running away acting crazy and a frazzled Mom chasing after. Every time I’d think “I’m glad my kid doesn’t do that, my kid is so well behaved. You should try setting some boundaries”. I’m embarrassed because I’m certain I gave that pained smile that said “You need to rein your kid in” .
I hate that dam smile.
Enter a couple years later with an 5 year old whose emotional rollercoaster makes my head spin and my beautiful little 18 month old who, while happy and sweet NEVER STOPS MOVING! We went to the dentist office last week where they asked me to fill out paperwork. One page took FOR-EV-ER. Littlest Moo does not stay in my lap, he just shrieks. He is not satisfied to just play with a toy quietly next to me (hell I would have settled for loudly) but instead likes to explore space so I would write one line and have to get up and chase him. After only finishing his name (incorrectly) I was exhausted. His older brother was yelling loudly from the barred window about being in jail which another mom scoffed at. What is so offensive about that, it is a play window with BARS in it, that is a natural association! He had also stripped his multiple layers of coats and jackets he had insisted on wearing leaving little puddles of himself around the waiting room so I was gathering it and trying to keep it with us while wrangling a speed demon and trying to fill out paper work that, had they sent to me ahead of time, could have been completed in the comfort of my own home long after the children are passed out in their beds. The experience wouldn’t have been complete without Littlest Moo falling off the bottom of the slide and busting his lip. I know I must have looked as exasperated as I felt. I suppose if he broke his tooth it was good we were at the dentist. I said that. Out loud. To no one. After I finally finished the paperwork moved to the other side of the waiting room where there were quieter activities to do (it really is an indoor playground) but I still found myself chasing him around. I briefly looked up while chasing him and caught a glimpse of a mom with her 2 year old standing so nice and quiet next to her. She brought him closer, I’m sure she was terrified that the running might be contagious. Or maybe it was the blood on his lip that I had not yet seen because the only thing I could see was the back of his head running away. But then she did it.
She gave me that dam smile.
I felt so deflated. She didn’t know. I work so hard with my kids. It was in that moment I cursed myself for being so smug before. Because I had been smug, a lot. It is said “you should be careful what you wish for” it should also be said you should “beware smugness” it’s kind of in line with “Karma’s a bitch”.
** As a side note, but completely related I would like to apologize to my lovely friend who I convinced how important it was to break a little one of a binky sooner rather than later only to have my 18month old still ever so attached a year later. Also to multiple friends that I’ve expressed concern about how their kids sleep. One should never be smug about sleep habits of children, I’m learning that sometimes no matter what you do sometimes your kids are just going to do what they are going to do. I’m incredibly lucky, but not smug, just very grateful. Hang in there, someday they will sleep!
No comments:
Post a Comment